Winter Charge up

The cold is killing me...

Literally...after being spoiled with some 50 degree days I am ready for spring. The long nights and lack of sunshine is really good at killing my vibes. While I love many winter activities, it still can be difficult for me to muster up energy for the day.  

I have lived in the Northeast my whole life however over the last few years I have noticed significant shifts in my energy and behavior during the winter months.  Not only do I lack my normal amounts of energy, but I become sad more often letting depression and anxiety take over my thoughts.  I become sluggish and for certain periods of time dysthymic.  If you can relate...this my friends it what I love to call seasonal affect. 

Too many days I have laid in bed praying for sun...eventually I got tired of this tactic (although I am still ready for sunshine) and moved on to something else. 

Instead of waiting for the sunshine to provide me with energy I started to charge up my energy on my own. 

First I started small.  Just get dressed, I would tell myself.  Instead of throwing on sweatpants I would put on jeans, or if I was going out (even to the grocery store) I would dress a little nicer and even put on some makeup.  By making myself look better I started to feel better on the inside. 

I created a workout routine.  Before I would workout sporadically when I had time, but now decided to pick 3 times a week and committed myself.  In the winter time there are not many outdoor activities to partake in.  Even taking a walk sound daunting.  Working out at the gym forced me to get out of my house and increased my social interaction. I was able to socialize outside my normal social circle. 

I surrounded myself with positive supports.  The last thing I want to do in the dead of winter is be stuck in side with a bunch of negative people. I made decisions to not spend as much time with people who may drain me of my positive energy and instead made efforts to be around the people in my life who lift me up.

I made sure to keep my chakras aligned.  I made appointments to get energy work done on a monthly basis.  This not only decreased some somatic symptoms I was having, but I always left feeling uplifted and happy.  I made sure to sage my personal space in my home and bring in grounding crystals. 

Lastly, SLEEP!!  I started to kick myself out of bed and not lay in it all day.  I made sure I was consistently getting the correct amount of sleep...not to much but also not enough. 

When you start to feel those winter blues, make sure you find what can charge up your energy!

-Sarah

Giving the Gift of Boundaries

Each December I start it off excited and ready for a wonderful holiday season.  However, by time I reach Christmas I am done. Done with people, done with emotions, done with it all. It seems the 25 days leading up to Christmas start off happy then I slide down a slippery slope of stress and anxiety.  

I know 2016 has not been the most wonderful year for any of us.. but in attempt to end on a good note I thought what can I do to change the pattern of December. Of course the counselor side of me took over and I began to think about where my stress and anxiety was derived from. 

After making a list of external and internal triggers (I'll explain these more further down) I realized "Holy shit most of my stress is coming from the people I surround myself with... what do I do...".  Thus my answer to this and theme for this month; setting boundaries.

Do I even need to set boundaries??

The beginning steps of setting boundaries are recognizing you need to set them. Like many other things this comes with self-reflection and insight.  How I did this was to break down what was triggering my stress and anxiety by internal factors and external factors.

Internal triggers are the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that you manifest. An example for me would be overthinking a conversation. By overthinking I was triggering my anxiety. Another  example is I have a tendency to overwork myself.  When I put to many things on my plate I become stressed out over daily tasks I need to do; work, clean, grocery shop, the every day stuff which should not be stressful. 

External triggers are things which happen in our environments.  Examples for these are stressful situations at work, family drama, endless to do lists.  For me personally external triggers for stress and anxiety are relationships at work, finishing school work for the semester, and my 45 minute commute I have been driving. 

External triggers were more prevalent for me which I why I decided to do external work in the form of setting boundaries.  Of course I have been doing some internal work as well, such as continuing to practice mindfulness and making time for me. 

Now time for the nitty gritty of boundary setting. 

The magic of Boundary setting

I will start from the top. Boundary setting by definition is pretty simple. Recognize your thoughts, feelings, and emotions about people or places.  Convey your thoughts, feelings, and emotions to yourself or the person you would like to set a boundary. Then talk about your expectations and how you would like to alleviate negative emotions and foster positive ones. Easy peasy when you list it out like that...haha. The process of boundary setting can be simple in some situations and difficult in others. 

When you are ready to have a conversation about boundaries take the time to write down ideas or thoughts you would like to say during the conversation, especially if you think it would be a stressful one. Sometimes just having a reminder will keep you and the conversation on track. 

Again, not all boundary setting conversations are negative.  For example, if a friend keeps asking you to spend time together, but you know that will be stressful for you, set a boundary by conveying to them how this is a stressful time for you.  Maybe remind them you would love to get together after the holidays or talk on the phone.  The main point is informing the other person of your thoughts and feelings to cultivate a positive experience. I can not say it enough times!

However, you have to be prepared for boundary conversations to not go in a positive direction. For example, I felt I needed to set boundaries with my boss to preserve a healthier relationship with her. While I made active efforts to personally do that, when we had a conversation about it, the conversation did not go as planned and left me feeling down.  However, I need to recognize I can continue to set boundaries on my terms and preserve those boundaries though the things I choose to discuss with her or the actions I do at work. 

Boundaries can be sticky, but again just convey your thoughts, feelings, and the expectations you have for that person! Remember at the end you are still in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

Happy Holidays!

-Sarah

Knowing the difference between a Preacher and a Teacher

Recently I was reading through one of my favorite blogs, In My Sacred Space, when I came across an article Ashley the author of the blog wrote about.  It was not so much the content which inspired me, but the passion and means behind her writing. Every blogger has that moment where they must stray from the niche of their blog and let a passion, frustration, or an education topic loose on their readers. This inspired me to write this post. Now when you read the title, you may automatically think religion...but this post is quite about what you may initially perceive. 

Some Background

I'm laying in savasana in a yoga class. I can feel my heart starting to slow and sweat roll down my face. Generally I tune out the instructor and do my own thing, however, I can not help but listen to what she is saying. As her message begins to resonate with me, suddenly I feel a red flag pop up in my brain. She is no longer teaching this class, she is preaching to us about how to overcome control issues and eating disorders. UMM... not quite what I want to hear at the end of a yoga class and is she even qualified to be giving up this information??

I frequently attend different fitness classes, and the more I went to different ones, there were particular instructors who stood out to me. These instructors went outside the scope of their practice and instead of teaching the class the area of their experience, they began to preach. Now don't get me wrong, I love encouragement that extends outside the gym.  However, I have learned to distinguish when I am getting preached at.  

My real qualm in all of this are the following two things. One, it is unethical to offer consultation outside of your area of expertise or scope of practice. Two, I have seen the detrimental effects of preaching. So, instead of complaining about the negatives, I am going to talk about what you can do to tell the difference.

Distinguish Teaching and Preaching

Being in the field of mental health, I see many people offering consultation without the proper education. So the million dollar question is how can you distinguish the difference.  Ask yourself the following questions: 

1) What type of information are you looking for and receiving? Are you on a finance blog and suddenly reading a post on mindfulness? Hmm while they may be great at talking about finances, I would check their mindfulness facts.

2) Check their credentials. If you walk into a therapists office you would expect them to hold a degree in psychology or counseling, correct? Ensure when you seek information it is coming from a reputable source. ALSO, listen to the information they are telling you! Your therapist should not be preaching to you about their new diet and how it is the best for you.  That is outside their scope of practice!

3) Look for resources, and listen to your gut. Did you hear something in a class or read something that felt a little off? Trust yourself! If you are in a class go home and look up additional facts on the topic being discussed, or look for resources if you are reading an article. If the media has taught us anything it is we can not trust everything we read and hear!


At the end of the day, it is all about being properly informed.  Check their resources, and check the facts. There is no harm in digging a little deeper to ensure you are receiving accurate information!

-Sarah

More than taking care of yourself: Intro to self-care

Do you brush your teeth?

Maybe hit up a yoga class, eat some green stuff, or practice mindfulness? We each carry out routines each day to take care of ourselves. However, when we think about taking care of ourselves we generally think about physical care. We often forget about the other parts of our well-being; emotional, mental, and spiritual. We get so caught up in our day to day stuff, we often think hitting the gym is a few times a week to diminish our stress.  It is time to start prioritizing self-care with taking care of ourselves. 

What do I mean by self-care?

Taking care of yourself refers to ensuring your are eating healthy, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep.  The basics of Maslow's Hierarchy. However, these are just the routines and acts we do to keep ourselves clean and comfortable.  Our physical health we generally take care of daily, but it is our mental health where we get stuck and often forget to address.

This is where self-care comes in. Self-care is an intentional act you carry out to address your mental and emotional health. Now the lines can get blurry here. Let me give you a quick example:

Joey goes to the gym five days a week. This is important to him because he knows it is good for his physical health. Lately, Joey has been struggling with his anxiety.  Although he is still exercising at the gym as normal, he still reports having heightened anxiety. 

Let's break this scenerio down now. Even though Joey is still doing something healthy, it does not necessarily mean it is self-care. He is still going to the gym and his anxiety is not reduced. Now let me give an example of self-care: 

Joey is continuing to work out five days a week. However, he has decided to help reduce his anxiety he has decided to start painting. Joey has enjoyed painting in the past and knows it is a relaxing activity for him. He commits to practice painting twice a week, and after a few weeks Joey begins to feel less anxious. He reports painting takes his mind off daily stresseors and allows him to focus on himself. 

Do we see the difference? Joey started to paint with intention behind it. He knows it is relaxing for him, Self-care is all about the intention we set. Self-care is a time to clear your head and do a little bit a mental reset.

Where to start.

Okay, now you are like ... hey! I am getting this self-care thing...now what. First, identify the stressors and things which make you anxious in your life.  Next, think about how you can get a break from those stressors. Maybe it is coloring or crafting (I craft for self-care!). It could be going to talk to someone; a friend, a therapist, or mentor. If you are having trouble picking an activity for self-care use Google! Google or Pinterest ideas for self care and you will find all sorts of different activities, just find the one that works for you! 

Remember, self-care at the end of the day is taking care of your emotional and mental well-being! Plan out a time once or twice a week to start practicing self-care. Maybe even journal down how you feel before and after to keep record of your self-care, and to find what activities work best of you. Your mental and emotional health are just as important as your physical health! We want to aim to take care of ourselves in a holistic way!

-Sarah

If you already practice self-care, what activities do you do??

Confronting everyday denial

Before we get to the meat and potatoes of this post let me set you up with some background info.  I had just gotten back from a bachelorette party and am chatting with my boyfriend about how it went.  I begin to tell him how I was recommending my favorite juice place to the ladies I was with when one girl called me a hipster. UGH I hate being called that because I truly believe I am the farthest thing from it (remember this statement).

By this time by boyfriend is beginning to chuckle and I yell what?! He said, " If multiple people on different occasions, who do not talk to each other, are calling you a hipster...don't you think you are one?  Time to stop denying it." This literally had never occurred to me, and I let his statement sink in. I needed to confront my denial of being a hipster...and maybe just accept that I'm a little hipstery.

How come I did not want to own the fact that I am a little hipster? When I pondered that thought I deduced it to the fact I stated earlier. I thought I was the farthest thing from hipster. I may do yoga, wear overalls, and drink craft beer. However, I also have a job I love, steady income, and am in grad school... do hipsters even do those things? I have been detesting the idea of being hipster because I did not think it aligned with my beliefs, values, and the things I was doing with my life. As I sip my kombucha I began to confront this idea that things I believe in are a little off the cultural mainstream and that is TOTALLY OKAY. So instead of fighting this label and turning it into a negative, I will just own it and tell myself "hey.. you're doing you, and it may be a little different than everyone else, and if that makes you a hipster...well I guess I am a hipster".

Dig Deeper

Let's back up a smidge. What is denial even? It is basically us telling ourselves something is not true or we don't want to believe this. Denial can be used as a coping skill to handle distressing situations, but I want to focus on the everyday stuff (we can leave the deep dark denial for another discussion).

Now this is just told you about one small silly example. What happens when we look at the bigger picture?  How often to we have multiple people tell us something and we continue time and time again to defend ourselves because what they say goes against our personal beliefs. I can think of many times where denying an idea, opinion, or person, was easier than confronting them.

So now, you as the reader, think about something you are denying.  Is it something small like your family calls you a gym rat because you go everyday, but you don't want to be seen as that person who is obsessed with the gym?  Or is it something more serious like I am denying my emotions about my shitty relationship and am to scared, anxious, etc to confront them. Whatever your denial situation is sit with that though and keep reading.  (Small disclaimer here: if your denial is coming from situations such as addition, eating disorder, or something more serious please seek out your local counseling facility.)

Confronting that shit and owning it

Okay, you have your situation in your head that you are denying. Is your anxiety building? I know this is not super comfortable, but guess what... most things in life aren't comfortable. Now this is the time with your situation in your head that you are going to think of answers to three questions?

1) Where is the denial coming from? Is it an internal belief or an external one?

2) What is stopping you from confronting your denial? Are you nervous or anxious? Do you need more information before you confront your denial?

3) Just own that shit. Maybe that means taking accountability for your actions, or maybe it is taking a different perspective to change your belief. 

Although my situation above may seem small and insignificant to others, I found it annoying to be called a hipster. I took these three steps to gain some insight to my denial. My denial was coming from me and my beliefs, and I needed to own that. I looked up some more information about what being a hipster meant to others, and when people call me a hipster what does it mean to me.  Last, I just decided to own it. If my boyfriend and friends want to call me a hipster, then let them. I am going to own who I am, and not deny it to anyone. 

-Sarah